poetry.

if I had to explain poetry id' say it's a dagger to the heart.

it's a brisk stab followed by a slow-paced bleeding- poetry is the blood of the ache

and this is my hurt.

"If i die tomorrow, know that i have loved.

i have yearned, i have kissed, i have touched such warmth one would only dream to embrace,

if i die tomorrow, know that i was loved.

flawed and weak, faulty imprecise, but i've been warmed on cold nights.

if i die tomorrow know that i have lived.

i have felt and cried and thaw my spirit dry.

if i die tomorrow, know that i loved. and that's all i ever wanted of me."

"If i die tomorrow", February 2022

“i’m torn between loving you, i gasp, i make, i stumble and rise- all in your pursuit,

each word i gather, each character i collect- i collect it for you, you’re my muse, my rhythm, my disguised luck, dear, and I miss seeing you smile,

let’s hold hands and howl swearwords at foul mountains, let’s hold hands and drive cars, even though we don’t yet have a license;

let’s run and stay and travel throughout unnamed streets, while barefoot, in putrid ground, let’s write each other letters just to burn them afterwards,

I’m torn between loving you, for I feel i love you too hard, I stumble and I’m not certain I can rise, I’m torn between loving you, but I can’t help to try”

“she tore up the floorboards”, November 2021

"and perhaps it was the floor

the one we both stood on

that made us feel the weakest

and perhaps it was the deck, the sea, and despair,

the place we once called home

what came to be our dying fate

i'd stay, dear, if I could

i'd stay, dear, if you'd let me

i'd stay, dear, to defeat,

for one without you remains forgotten

and one without you remains me"

"oh my dear naval ache", November 2021

so shall I breathe this once more?

awaiting your arrival?

or I shall I weep, my young soul,

for I've lost you once more?

come back, they beg,

come close, they yern,

and yet I have you, in distance.

and yet you have me- whole.

so i shall breathe and weep,

dreaming of your warmth, one more day.

"long gone cold arms" -November, 2021